It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
it's like heaven, but drunker
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
i've created a new STD.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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