Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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