i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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