I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
