Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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