I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just sent this text using only my big toe
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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