He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
