My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
