I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
