READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
