i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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