I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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