i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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