We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
