we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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