That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
