holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
