everyone is single if you try hard enough
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
