I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
