True but thats because hes a fetus.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
