So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
