I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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