Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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