I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
