guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
