I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
A+ Viking dick
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
