I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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