Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
