Cold hands, warm shart.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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