what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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