You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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