I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
