He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
