I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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