i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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