wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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