hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
