so that wasnt chicken after all
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
