I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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