I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
