allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
