What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
