My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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