My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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