Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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