he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
