I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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