she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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