; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
