It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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