Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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